Of Posing As A Female For NinetyTwo Days
by whimsicism
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... which Ed realises when he is forced to pose as a woman for the next ninety-two days...
1. Challenge

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A/N: Debut FMA fanfic! (ha, everything's a debut, I see. Am I debuting excessively here??) The idea of them being women is from edPod, but the story is NOT!!

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Overly-Feminine Much??

"Edward, you really need to drink your milk. Did you know that you were shorter than the average 15-year-old girl the last time we checked?" Mustang poked his brand of fun at the presently 17-year-old Edward Elric, who, to his annoyance, stoically ignored him no matter how much damage the comment may have wrought upon his height-sensitive ego.

Edward, who was now of fairly average height, shrugged indifferently. Since undergoing a sudden growth spurt, he had (finally) developed some immunity to the (occasionally lengthy) "short" comments. However, unknown to everybody, he had another tender spot which (apparently) nobody had ever bothered to mention.

Mustang sighed in defeat, but if he had given up so easily earlier, he would never have become a Colonel in the first place. "By the way, why do you even keep a ponytail? It looks _girly_." He smirked and mentally congratulated himself for thinking of that particular 'flaw'. "Oh, are you a _cross-dresser_? What about _gay_?"

Edward's face was, by now, a deep shade of scarlet. "I'm NOT!!" he protested, agitated. Truth be told, he had always been secretly proud of his long golden mane, even to the point of being vain (Ed, vain?!), which is why he had always taken pains to tie or plait it up neatly. He had even tried to punch someone for touching his beloved ponytail without permission once.

Mustang suddenly stood up. "I know!" he exclaimed in 'miraculous enlightenment'. "You are a _girl_!"

Winry, who had entered without knocking (she usually stayed at home, where there had been no need to do so), heard Mustang's last line. As Edward's friend, she was amused. As a born feminist and Pinako's granddaughter, she was outraged. "What?! A girl? He's too ugly to be a girl! He'd look like a monster when dressed up as one!"

"What?! I would _NOT_!!" Edward swore under his breath. When had the conversation suddenly taken the turn into this mess? "Besides, you are not qualified to criticize me, automail geek!" he wondered how he had managed to get such horrible words out of his mouth. He cringed, preparing to hear Winry cry.

"WHAT?! So you think that being a girl is easy? Why don't _you_ try it?"

"Why not?! It's an easy life anyway!"

Winry suddenly burst into raucous laughter. "I'll hold you to it, then!" she smirked. "I'll see you later in my room. Don't forget to bring money to pay for my services! You will have to be a female for three _solid_ months, so be prepared!" She paused for a moment. "Also, to sweeten the deal, you get to grow your hair long, since you love it so much!"

Mustang, who had not uttered a single word during this conversation, had in fact contacted the Fuhrer via video, so the Fuhrer had seen and heard everything. Mustang, in doing this, had incited the elderly but fun-loving Fuhrer to issue the order for Edward to pose as a female. He, too, would dearly love to see Ed all dressed up by Winry.

After all, laughter is good for health, is it not?

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A/N: No backing out for Edward now! I get the impression that they are being very ooc here... Winry's way of talking kind of sounds like my own when I'm really angry though... except that I don't usually shout, I just smile and talk in a sarcastic way coz' it's what scares my brother most.


	2. Ed's first experience in drag

**Phantom Sunsong: I agree, I _love_ Ed with long hair:)**

**Suzuku90: Lol! I tried writing over 1,000 words with this! Thanks for the suggestion! Oh, and Roy had to let the Fuhrer know because he'd think that it's fun, and he wanted to spread the word:)**

**Irr: I'll write more after the exams, thanks! The vacation is three months long, I think.**

_Ed's first experience in drag..._

The moment Ed appeared in Winry's room, she dumped a heap of clothes in his arms. "Get changed." She ordered curtly before walking over to her bag and rooting around. Ed didn't know what she was looking for (not that he wanted to).

After a few minutes, she got up and shoved him into a room.

"Why do I have to change?"

"Well, you have to look feminine, that's why." The ever-practical Winry Rockbell replied. "We're going shopping."

"What?!" Ed stared in disbelief. "This wasn't even part of the deal!"

"It _is_ part of the deal. You have to behave like a lady, remember? _Ladies go shopping._" Winry pointed out. Of course, Edward had no choice but to obey her after that particular comment.

Ed had to admit that Winry had good taste. Or maybe he thought so only because he could imagine her wearing those clothes in his mind's eye.

Winry shoved Edward into an adjoining room. "Go and _change_."

The door clicked behind him. Abandoning the clothes on the bed, he tried to open the door, but the damn thing wouldn't budge. Winry had – officially or not – locked him in.

Resigning himself to the fact that he was trapped and had no choice but to wear something feminine for once, he picked a little, shrivelled strip of some stretchy material off the bed. _What is this thing for? A head accessory?_ He stretched it, wondering why females had to wear such strange clothes.

Winry tapped her foot impatiently. She had already prepared everything required, including nail varnish and an assortment of accessories, and did _not_ enjoy being forced to wait for a guy her age to finish changing his clothes.

Finally, giving up on waiting, Winry opened the door and barged straight in to find a very puzzled Edward fingering her bronze-coloured tube top.

"So... you prefer the tube?"

"Tube?!" Ed dropped the tube top, horrified. "I thought that it was a hair accessory... or something." He finished lamely.

Winry smirked. "Or something." She supplemented. "Well, since you obviously can't choose your own clothes, I'll help you out." Going over to the pile, she extracted a black long-sleeved suede coat lined with faux fur, jeans, high-heeled ankle boots and underwear.

Passing the load to a very mortified Edward, Winry laughed cheerfully and – once again – locked him in. Seething, he sat down on the obstinately. If he made her wait long enough, she might just give up...

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Ten minutes later...

Winry was bored. Very bored. The automail section of the magazine, having taken her a grand total of a mere half hour to finish reading, was definitely _way_ too short. Hearing nothing from Ed, she was now certain that he was sulking about the clothes.

_Really, how childish._ Winry retrieved a camera from her bag and tapped on the door. _If he didn't always act this way, I wouldn't have to resort to dirty tricks._

"Ed! If you don't get the clothes on within ten minutes, I'll dress you up _personally_, you hear?! Besides, I'm pretty sure that the Colonel would love to own a picture of you in drag!" Winry called out to him, smirking.

Immediately, she heard a scuffle on the other side of the door. Satisfied for the moment, she returned to waiting.

Edward panicked. A picture of him in drag? Sent to his enemy? He would never hear the end of it, especially after the whole thing about his ponytail and all. Mustang deserved to be deprived, not entertained!

... and that was how he ended up banging on the door after five minutes, clothes very badly put on and hair half-undone, claiming that he had dressed himself up and _almost_ begging Winry to release him.

Winry let him out, scrutinising the way in which he had put on his clothes. While it was true that he was decently covered, the only explanation of a female running about on the streets looking like that would have been that she had been recently molested, or something similar.

_Chest too flat._ She noted critically. _He needs something to hold the tube. _Reaching for the tissues, she proceeded to stuff the bra, much to his disgust. She seemed to be happy about the overall effect after adjusting the clothes and undoing his hair completely.

That is, he had thought that she was happy with it until he found himself being steered into a chair in front of a dressing table.

"Since the clothes are pretty flamboyant, we'll use simpler accessories. The look that we want is stylish and sophisticated, nothing too glitzy. Since you're tall for a female, cuteness probably won't suit you well." Winry explained, reaching for the makeup.

"The look that _you_ want." Edward muttered irritably.

Winry pretended not to hear. "Shut your eyes." She ordered, applying a light touch of metallic gold eyeshadow and heavy-duty mascara. She _had_ considered using eyeshadow as well, but had doubted that the 'panda' look would suit Ed. He would never let her hear the end of it if she botched the job anyway. She swiped his lips with pale pink lipstick, as a final touch, to make his eyes stand out.

Brushing his hair, she decided to leave it as it was. 'She' would look better with her hair down, anyway. _Hair like spun gold..._

"Open your eyes, Rin!" she tapped Edward's shoulder.

"Wha-?"Ed stared at the mirror in utter disbelief. He wasn't just feminine; he was effing beautiful!

Winry clucked her tongue. "No, you need the full effect!" she forced him in front of a full-length mirror, tossing him a soft brown handbag. "See, you're really good-looking!"

There was no disputing the facts here.

"Toss whatever you need to take along into the bag, but don't make it too heavy." Winry dropped the makeup that she had used on Ed into her bag in case they required touch-ups later.

"Let's go!" Winry dragged Ed out of the door. "Don't forget. You obey me, or your picture will be sent directly to the Colonel. I'm sure that he would treasure it."

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Twenty minutes later...

"Why are we here?" Edward asked, glaring guardedly at the building. The mere fact that the Colonel worked that made it seem sinister to him.

"Nothing, nothing!" Winry led him into the building enthusiastically. "I left my phone in here! Sorry!"

Ed's eyes narrowed. Something clearly was not right...

His suspicions intensified when she headed towards the Colonel's office amid wolf-whistles to him...

"May I see the Fuhrer?" Winry asked the Colonel.

"He's busy." Roy replied shortly. "I can pass the message on for you."

Winry smiled apologetically. "It's about my friend here. She's a foreigner and needs a pass. I'm sure that the Fuhrer would be able to arrange it for her."

Roy looked up. "No problem!" he agreed.

"We need a personal meeting with the Fuhrer." Ed softened his voice slightly. If he was ever found out, his pride was doomed.

Roy arranged a direct link on the computer to the Fuhrer. "Here!" he offered. "Would you like me you leave you ladies alone while the call is made?"

At Ed's nod, Roy fled the room gallantly.

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When Ed and Winry have left...

"I love this function!" Roy opened the pre-recorded conversation between the two and the Fuhrer. He picked up a cup of coffee and watched. He would be _very_ entertained...

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**A/N: Sorry about not updating for so long! This will probably be my last update before the pre-exam hiatus.**

**Please review!!**


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